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My Favorite Quotes

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 Erma Bombeck - “Housework can kill you if done right”
 Erma Bombeck - “A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.”
 Erma Bombeck - “What's with you men Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere”
 Erma Bombeck - “How come anything you buy will go on sale next week”
 Erma Bombeck - “In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”
 Erma Bombeck - “For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.”
 Erma Bombeck - “The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.”
 Erma Bombeck - “A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.”
 Erma Bombeck - “My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.”
 Erma Bombeck - “God created man, but I could do better.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.”
 Erma Bombeck - “If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”
 Erma Bombeck - “I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.”
 Erma Bombeck - “On vacations We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.”
 Erma Bombeck - “House guests should be regarded as perishables Leave them out too long and they go bad.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.”
 Erma Bombeck - “I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Why would anyone steal a shopping cart It's like stealing a two-year-old.”

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