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My Favorite Quotes

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 Jay Leno - “It looks like it's going to be Arnold Schwarzenegger or Gray Davis. You got a robot from the future or a robot with no future.”
 Jay Leno - “Hurricane season is less than two months away. There's no joke here. I just wanted to give FEMA a heads up.”
 Jay Leno - “Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy with a famous name, who doesn't know anything about running the government. Didn't hurt George Bush.”
 Jay Leno - “President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's going to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't I”
 Jay Leno - “John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks French, isn't it more like one in a trillion”
 Jay Leno - “John Kerry met with Al Sharpton. Can you see the two of them standing together It'd look like Abe Lincoln with Ruben from American Idol.”
 Jay Leno - “I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wiretapping illegal”
 Jay Leno - “You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.”
 Jay Leno - “A group of U.S. Muslim scholars announced...they have forbidden terrorism. Well that's nipping it in the bud. I'm glad they came out with this so soon, before things got out of hand.”
 Jay Leno - “When I worked with Willie Nelson, who is just about the nicest man I've ever worked with in my life, the sweetest, kindest man, I thought, 'If I'd have been gay, it would have saved me millions,'”
 Jay Leno - “Las Vegas has been good to me and I wanted to give something back. I thought it would be fun to do.”
 Torry Castalleno - “We really only started to play at lunch time.”
 Jay Leno - “Democrats have been complaining that President Bush has spent more than 21 percent of his time in office out of the White House. That's nothing -- since Bush has been president, the Democrats have been out of the White House 100 percent of the time.”
 Jay Leno - “And, of course, Arnold was thrilled because for the first time in his career, the critics are calling him an actor, ladies and gentlemen -- this is a historic night”
 Jay Leno - “John Kerry was the big winner in Iowa. Ted Kennedy introduced Kerry as the 'comeback kid.' That used to be Bill Clinton's name - because every time he would come back to a city, he would find out if he had a kid or not.”
 Jay Leno - “At the time, Shaq was disguised as an apartment building.”
 Jay Leno - “This is like the ninth hurricane this season. Maybe this isn't the time to take God out of the pledge of allegiance.”
 Jay Leno - “be here in person next time.”
 Jay Leno - “It's the second time that I've driven the pace car. It's fun running into that 31-degree banking. Usually when you're at 31 degrees in a car, it's because you're wrecking.”
 Jay Leno - “According to this week's Time magazine, President George Bush is a serious fitness buff. He works out 60 to 90 minutes a day with weights. Apparently he likes working out because it 'clears his mind.' Sometimes it works a little too well.”
 Jay Leno - “For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.”
 Jay Leno - “It's a big showroom at MGM. It will bring in a few thousand people because it's free. When times are good you take your money and when they are bad you give it back.”
 Jay Leno - “According to doctors, George Bush has the lowest heartbeat ever recorded by someone in the White House. Well, second lowest. Dick Cheney got his down to zero a couple of times.”
 Jay Leno - “My stockbroker asked me something important today paper or plastic”
 Jay Leno - “President Clinton, this guy is sharp. Boy, he gave Hillary the most romantic Valentine's gift today, a huge rose garden. Where would he get that”

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