1. Ambrose Bierce - “The covers of this book are too far apart.”

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2. Ambrose Bierce - “Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.”

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3. Ambrose Bierce - “All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.”

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4. Ambrose Bierce - “Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.”

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5. Ambrose Bierce - “The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.”

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6. Ambrose Bierce - “Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.”

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7. Ambrose Bierce - “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

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8. Ambrose Bierce - “Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.”

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9. Ambrose Bierce - “Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

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10. Ambrose Bierce - “Academy: A modern school where football is taught.”

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11. Ambrose Bierce - “Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.”

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12. Ambrose Bierce - “Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.”

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13. Ambrose Bierce - “Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.”

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14. Ambrose Bierce - “Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.”

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15. Ambrose Bierce - “Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.”

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16. Ambrose Bierce - “Education: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

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17. Ambrose Bierce - “Politics is the conduct of public affairs for private advantage.”

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18. Ambrose Bierce - “A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.”

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19. Ambrose Bierce - “There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.”

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20. Ambrose Gwinett Bierce - “PRESENT, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.”

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21. Ambrose Gwinett Bierce - “PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.”

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22. Ambrose Gwinett Bierce - “PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.”

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23. Ambrose Gwinett Bierce - “PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom — and of whom only — it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.”

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24. Ambrose Gwinett Bierce - “PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.”

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25. Ambrose Gwinett Bierce - “PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that 'Stone walls do not a prison make,' but a combination of the stone wall, the political parasite and the moral instructor is no garden of sweets.”

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