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My Favorite Quotes
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 Erma Bombeck - “One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.”
 Erma Bombeck - “I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms Checkout Time is 18 years.”
 Erma Bombeck - “I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.”
 Erma Bombeck - “A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory -- an empty bottle of gin.”
 Erma Bombeck - “The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going to drop”
 Erma Bombeck - “It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.”
 Erma Bombeck - “I do not participate in a sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.”
 Erma Bombeck - “I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. . . .”
 Erma Bombeck - “Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.”
 Erma Bombeck - “I was thirty-seven when I went to work writing the column. I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security, and too tired for an affair.”
 Erma Bombeck - “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. And how do you know laughter if there is no pain to compare it with”
 Erma Bombeck - “It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.”
 Erma Bombeck - “I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. BY all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”
 Erma Bombeck - “The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.”
 Erma Bombeck - “The grass is always greener over the septic tank.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.”
 Erma Bombeck - “We've got a generation now who were born with semi-equality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.”
 Erma Bombeck - “If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally brain dead.”
 Erma Bombeck - “You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.”
 Erma Bombeck - “As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.”
 Erma Bombeck - “It is fast approaching the point where I don't want tAdenauer to want the job.”
 Erma Bombeck - “What makes people laugh ... It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.”
 Erma Bombeck - “Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely.”

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