Douglas Noel Adams

Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.

Life ... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light except for bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

Come, let us go. Let us leave this festering hellhole. Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.

His study was a total mess, like the results of an explosion in a public library.

He inched his way up the corridor as if he would rather be yarding his way down it....

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.

There is a theory that states 'If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bizarrely inexplicable.' There is another theory that states 'This has already happened....'

Put away your worries, the world is a good and perfect place. It is in fact very easy.

Many men of course became extremely rich, but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of because no one was really poor at least no one worth speaking of.

In cases of major discrepancy its always reality thats got it wrong ... reality is frequently inaccurate.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Time, we know, is relative. You can travel light years through the stars and back, and if you do it at the speed of light then, when you return, you may have aged mere seconds while your twin brother or sister will have aged twenty, thirty, forty or however many years it is, depending on how far you traveled. This will come to you as a profound shock, particularly if you didnt know you had a twin brother or sister.

To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity.

He hoped and prayed that there wasnt an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasnt an afterlife.

I dont believe it. Prove it to me and I still wont believe it.

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

'Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from knowing there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about them. Amen' That's it. It's what you pray silently inside yourself anyway, so you might as well have it out in the open. 'Lord, Lord, Lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. Amen.' And that's it. Most of the trouble people get into in life comes from leaving out that last part.

Everything you see or hear or experience in any way at all is specific to you. You create a universe by perceiving it, so everything in the universe you perceive is specific to you.