Eddie Izzard Dress to Kill.
But puberty wasa well, before puberty, at school, I didn't tell kids I was a transvestite acause I thought they might kill me with sticks, you know
Twang him into a tree
So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised A little nave, I feel
I saw something in a program on something in Miami, and they were saying, We've redecorated this building to how it looked over 50 years ago And people were going, No, surely not, no. No one was alive then
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).
And they always find in archeology a series of small walls. Every time, a series of small walls. Everywhere you go. Weve found a series of small walls, were very excited I think this proves they had walls in olden days. They were very small, and a series of small wall people. And then someone comes along, very learned, with glasses, Of course, the king and queen entertained here 1,500 courtiers, and there were soldiers, 20,000 soldiers in this room, and elephants dancing hopscotch over there A mad fiddler in this room, playing the banjo, buttocks and aqueducts into a heater And youre just watching, and going, Youre making this up, mate Youre just pointing at a series of small walls, going, there, there Tutankhamen playing banjo in there Dont know if its true.
Cause if you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy, that's where the sexuality is. Yeah, it's not drag queen, no gay men have got that covered. This is male tomboy, and people do get that mixed up, they put transvestite there - no no no no Little bit of a crowbar separation, thank you And gay men, I think, would agree. It's male lesbian, that's really where it is, ok Becausea it's true aCause most transvestites fancy girls, fancy women. So that's where it is.
Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sina I poked a badger with a spoon.
You killed a hundred thousand people You must get up very early in the morning I can't even get down the gym
Because that's what narcissism is all about looking in the mirror everyday and thinking 'Damn, I'd like to shag myself.'
It all bottomed out with the Renaissance Period. Ren-ais-sance. Thataas Renaissance, FRENCH for are-birthaa. Re-nais-sance. And thataas why most of the Renaissance happened slap bang in the middle of FraItaly.
PiAno,piAno'It's not a bloody piano, its a clarenARt...you weird talking person.
Pol Pot killed one point seven million Cambodians, died under house arrest, well done there. Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, aged seventy-two, well done indeed. And the reason we let them get away with it is they killed their own people. And we're sort of fine with that. Hitler killed people next door. Oh, stupid man. After a couple of years we won't stand for that, will we
Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. Ok, we canswing with that. But performance debilitating drugs should not bebanned. Smoke a joint and win the hundred meters, fair play for you.That's pretty damn good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off inthe distance.
We stole countries with the cunning use of flags Yeah, just sail around the world and stick a flag in. - I claim India for BritainThey go, - You can't claim us, we live here 500 million of us- Do you have a flag- We don't need a bloody flag It's our country, you bastards- No flag, no country, you can't have one That's the rules that I've just made up, and I'm backing it up with this gun that was lent from the National Rifle Association.
You know, Catholicism, we believed in the teachings of Cathol, and everything it stood for.
So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised A little naive, I feel
I'm a one-man idiot.
MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.
They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'
Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.
Never put a sock in a toaster.
Picture Quotes to Inspire and Delight