Fred A. Allen Quotes

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

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Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

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I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy.

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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for a star.

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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

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I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 p.m. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.

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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.

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Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

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California is a great place to live if you're an orange.

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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

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If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

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