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Fred Allen Quotes

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

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I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement

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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

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A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

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After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard let him worry about cutting it.

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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

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