George Carlin Quotes

You get to play with people's little danger zones.

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He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident.

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Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider

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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

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If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled

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Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

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I went straight from shenanigans to crimes against humanity.

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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

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The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

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If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

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When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say

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They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it.

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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas Fewer Texans.

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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

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