Groucho Marx Quotes

Groucho Marx Groucho Marx
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

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Women should be obscene and not heard.

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No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

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Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

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Hello, I must be going.

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A child of five would understand this. Send somebody to fetch a child of five

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Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.

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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution

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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

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Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

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Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.

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Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse

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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

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I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

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I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

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