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Henny Youngman Quotes

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.

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When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

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I bet on a horse at ten to one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

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I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock.

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You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

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I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.

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If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

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How to drive a guy crazy send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'

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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up -- they have no holidays.

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