Henry Youngman Quotes

The patient says Doctor, it hurts when I do this. Then don't do that

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do The doctor says Limp

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're singlea.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Take my wife... Please

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Doctor says to a man You're pregnant The man says How does a man get pregnant The doctor says The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner....

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said Cough

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock this afternoon.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

A man goes to a psychiatrist Nobody listen to me The doctor says Next

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Now, the band that inspired that great saying Stop The Music

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered So did my arthritis

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks Doc, how do I stand The doctor says That's what puzzles me

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

If your going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for in the morning, sleep late.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

What's the use of happiness It can't buy you money.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes