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Joan Rivers Quotes

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

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Can we talk

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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

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a good actress with real pathos.

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I was not a pretty child. I developed humor to be accepted.

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My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

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Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.

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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

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Once you begin to believe there is help out there, you will know it to be true.

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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

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Calling him a son of a b, ... Don't you dare call me a racist I want an apology from you.

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