Kathy Griffin Quotes

I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.

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The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are.

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I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.

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Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.

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Listen to the way she talks up, and down, Angelina Jolie I think the work she does for the ambassador to the U.N. is fantastic, ... 'Cause let me tell you something I don't want to go to the Sudan. You know, from what I've seen on television, I don't want to go anywhere near the Congo. And she's going there, picking kids up, left and right, god love her. But she's also ridiculous, alright You know, she's got the lips that look like an inflamed anus. Alright, I know that's sexy to a lot of guys. But have you ever had a haemorrhoid 'Cause that's what it looks like.

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So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.

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If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.

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I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.

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A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.

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A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor.

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Put your eyebrows on the night stand and hang up the phone. He has lady eyebrows pretty, drag-queen eyebrows. Enough with the tweezing.

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It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.

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I'm always listening and watching my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.

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I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer that is not my style.

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Have I gone too far

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Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.

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But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.

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What I would really love is to be on a sitcom again, ... Everybody talks about Desperate Housewives - that's one show, and they're all gorgeous. But where's the Roseanne Where's the real women who are funny That's where I come in.

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Phoenix is great. I love Phoenix, ... I love Scottsdale. I love the James Hotel. I have a Kathy Griffin suite. I love -what's that place called AZ 88. I had never had a cheese crisp, so I went to - oh, can't remember. We went to the State Fair, where I was all about the deep-fried Twinkie. I ate every deep-fried thing - oh, it was heavenly. I ate until I got sick.

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I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.

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I am in love with Larry David.

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Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.

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There are lots of little mom and pop furniture stores in L.A., which is perfect for me because I like to mix the old with the new.

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The fact that that really is my life, and that my husband Matt - who you see on the show - is like the most normal guy in the world.

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So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it.

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