Kin Hubbard

A chap ort t' save a few o' the' long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married

Young Lafe Bud says he always hates t' get his hair cut cause it makes his hat look so old

The fellow that owns his own house is always just coming out of a hardware store

The woman that tries t' keep up with the' procession don't see near as much as her husband who stands on the' curb

A true lady or gentleman remains at home with a grouch same as if they had pneumonia

I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.

A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.

An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.

Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.

Listening is the only way to entertain some folks.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

Fun is like life insurance the older you get, the more it costs.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

Why they call a feller that keeps losin' all the time a good sport gits me

Every time I read where some woman gave a short talk I wonder how she stopped

Kindness goes a long ways lots o' times when it ought t' stay at home

Many a family tree needs trimming

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness poverty and wealth have both failed.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

The' feller that sets on a store box with his mouth full of scrap terbacker while his wife is at home sewing' fer a living' knows jist exactly how t' regulate the railroads

The world gels better every day - then worse again in the evening.