Lewis Grizzard Quotes

Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

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I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

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When people ask me what sign I was born under, I say I'm not certain, but it could have been the one that says 'Dining Car in opposite direction'.

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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

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You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me'

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I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

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Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

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Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

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The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.

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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

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She mama an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life's work.

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When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care

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The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.

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If Love Were Oil, I'd Be About a Quart Low.

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