Mark Twain

When it comes down to pure ornamental cursing, the native American is gifted above the sons of men.

Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough.

...It is hard to overestimate how far a man can go in America if he looks good on a horse.

Civilizations proceed from the heart rather than from the head.

You can't reason with the heart it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.

It's spring fever.... You don't quite know what it is you DO want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so

There is no humor in heaven.

If I cannot swear in heaven I shall not stay there.

You can go to heaven if you want. I'd rather stay in Bermuda.

Mauritius was made first, and then heaven and that heaven was copied after Mauritius.

Heaven for climate, hell for society.

History does not repeat itself. But it does rhyme.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest ask him if he says yes, you know he is crooked.

No public interest is anything other or nobler than a massed accumulation of private interests.

Such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down on the doctor's bills like everything.

The more I get to know about lawyers, the more I'm in favor of hangin'.

We can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you.

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries Mere killing would be too light.

How empty is theory in presence of fact

He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it--namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.

I hain't ever seen her since that time that I see her go out of that door no, I hain't ever seen her since, but I reckon I've thought of her a many and a many a million times, and of her saying she would pray for me and if ever I'd a thought it would do any good for me to pray for HER, blamed if I wouldn't a done it or bust.

Now he found out a new thing--namely, that to promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.

Adam was but human--this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent then he would have eaten the serpent.

Pray for me I reckoned if she knowed me she'd take a job that was more nearer her size. But I bet she done it, just the same--she was just that kind. She had the grit to pray for Judus if she took the notion--there warn't no back-down to her, I judge.

Any mummery will cure if the patient's faith is strong in it.