Milton Berle Quotes

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

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A thing of beauty is a job forever.

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Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

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You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands

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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

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I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.

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Laughter is an instant vacation.

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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

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Why are we honoring this man Have we run out of human beings

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We owe a lot to Thomas Edison -- if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

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I just got wonderful news from my real estate agent in Florida. They found land on my property.

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If it wasn't for the olives in his martinis, he'd starve to death

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Committee--a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

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A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank

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Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

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