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Mitch Hedberg Quotes

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which ones the real hero

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I got my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others.

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Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.

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A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

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I went to the store to bye a candle holder. They didn't have one so I got a cake.

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I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

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I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

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I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.

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