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Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright Steven Wright
I was cesarean born. You can't really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window.

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My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises the baby makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

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I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him

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How come abbreviated is such a long word

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When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.

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The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

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Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

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I was at this restaurant. The sign said Breakfast Anytime. So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.

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