Terry Pratchett Quotes

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

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Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

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Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o'course.

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Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended. And this is all very natural and organic and in tune with mysterious cycles of the cosmos, which believes that thereaas nothing like millions of years of really frustrating trial and error to give a species moral fiber and, in some cases, backbone.

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An ancient proverb summed it up when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, it ran, he is tired of life.

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But of course, what the eagle does not realize is that it is participating in a very crude form of natural selection.One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.

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Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.

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It's either because of the number of times the scholar puts the boot into Peter Jackson the director of The Lord of the Rings films or is making a point they have never heard of.

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Nigel gave the lamp a cautious buff and small smoking red letters appeared in the air. 'Hi,' Nigel read aloud, 'Do not put down the lamp because your custom is important to us. Please leave a wish after the tone and, very shortly, it will be our command. In the meantime, have a nice eternity.'

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Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.

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People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else.

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And therefore education at the University mostly worked by the age-old method of putting a lot of young people in the vicinity of a lot of books and hoping that something would pass from one to the other, while the actual young people put themselves in the vicinity of inns and taverns for exactly the same reason.

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Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment. Elves are terrific. They beget terror. The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning. No one ever said elves are nice. Elves are bad.

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He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe- which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.

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God does not play dice with the universe He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of the players, (ie everybody), to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

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I would like a question answered today, said Tiffany. Provided it's not the one about how you get baby hedgehogs, said the man. No, said Tiffany patiently. It's about zoology. Zoology eh That's a big word, isn't it. No, actually it isn't, said Tiffany. Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short.

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I meant, said Ipslore bitterly, what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while Death thought about it Cats, he said eventually, Cats are Nice.

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Suicide was against the law. Johnny had wondered why. It meant that if you missed, or the gas ran out, or the rope broke, you could get locked up in prison to show you that life was really very jolly and thoroughly worth living.

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There's a door.Where does it goIt stays where it is, I think.

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The universe, they said, depended for its operation on the balance of four forces which they identified as charm, persuasion, uncertainty and bloody-mindedness.

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The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types of clothing and asked Yo, my son, which of these is the most stylish thing to wear And the correct answer is Hey, whatever I select.

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When millions of tons of angry elephant come spinning through the sky, and there was no one there to hear it, does it - philosopically speaking - make a noise

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Something as artificial and human as an hour wouldn't last five minutes here. It would be dried out and shrivelled up in seconds.

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The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are 1) Silence 2) Books must be returned no later than the date last shown and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality.

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If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power... they will talk, they will gloat. So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word.

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