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W. C. Fields Quotes

W. C. Fields W. C. Fields
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

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Set up another case bartender The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

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Anybody who hates children and dogs can't be all bad.

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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

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Some things are better than sex, and some things are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

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A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter.

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I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

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Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.

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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

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I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.

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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey Death, where is thy sting

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If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw.

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I like children - fried.

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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.

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Anyone who hates dogs and kids can't be all bad.

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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

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