Woody Allen

I'm going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

We were married by a reformed rabi in Long Island. A very reformed rabi, a Nazi.

Is knowledge knowable If not, how do we know this

A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.

It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

Thought Why does man kill He kills for food. And not only food frequently there must be a beverage.