Woody Allen Quotes

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

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I was nauseous and tingly all over.... I was either in love or I had smallpox.

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Is knowledge knowable If not, how do we know this

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A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering and it's all over much too soon.

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We were married by a reformed rabi in Long Island. A very reformed rabi, a Nazi.

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If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream

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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf wont get much sleep.

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Marriage is the death of hope.

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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

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If you'd like to know how to get from the Big Apple to the Big Easy, take Highway Love, and you'll get there.

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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.

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I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

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Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

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It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.

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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

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The only way to be happy is to love to suffer.

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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

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Why does man kill He kills for food. And not only food frequently there must be a beverage.

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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

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