Woody Allen Quotes

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

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A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

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Now we're in the final stages. There's a lot of (due diligence) work to be done in the next 120 days, but it feels good to get everybody on board.

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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

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Today I saw a red-and-yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am Of course, I thought that yesterday, too, and it rained.

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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

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All the crap that they tell you about ... getting joy, and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe. I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.

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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

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Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

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I am very attached to this watch. My grandfather sold it to me when he was dying.

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The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

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I am two with nature.

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He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

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That of a musician, but a musician playing in small jazz clubs or alone. I do not give concerts. I come on stage and play with my friends in the band, all of whom are better musicians than me, ... The Curse of the Jade Scorpion.

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The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7', it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

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The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.

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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

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If only God would give me some clear sign Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

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Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.

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Eighty percent of success is showing up.

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