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Woody Allen Quotes

Woody Allen Woody Allen
If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be

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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

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The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.

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On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

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My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.

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You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100.

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If only God would give me a clear sign Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

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It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

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Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the times, I don't have any fun at all.

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Death is an acquired trait.

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Hey, don't knock masturbation It's sex with someone I love.

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Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

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What do I dislike about death Must be the hours.

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It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.

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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

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Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

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