We didn't score the fourth goal, they scored the sixth and it's always tough to get back into the game after that.
How many people here have telekenetic powers Raise my hand.
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac
Take my wife... Please
I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock this afternoon.
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
What kind of morons do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist's performance on whether or not they had a good seat
I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.
At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.
Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed
I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
We were travelling from Birmingham to Coventry during the blitz. Eric's mother suggested that we should try to become a double act.
We took the whole thing far too seriously. After all, those were early days in television.
We became Morris and Morecambe. This partnership did not last long, however.
Things really began to move for us. In 1953 I could afford to marry Doreen.
I met my wife, Doreen, who was a dancer in the show.
There are people who like just ordinary comedy fun, and making mistakes - which I do easily - and then there are people who like the falling over.
Of course I've done musicals here in London.
In fact, one was so booked out we went from March and were to go till November, but the pantomime was booked so they transferred the show to the Prince of Wales Theatre because it was so packed out, and it ran on from there.
I've got one idea I want to do for a film and you know I just enjoy myself doing bits and pieces.
I've done seven shows at the Palladium - long running shows I'm talking about.
I've an idea for doing a Situation Comedy myself but its always difficult to get people to listen to you because they like to put their own ideas forward.