Comedian

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

- W. C. Fields Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

And even very recently, when Taliban was in office, we took the humanitarian task of building hospital, for instance, schools and other arrangements.

- Bulent Ecevit Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me to do things in different ways.

- Dylan Moran Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the Oscar.

- Billy Crystal Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

As you get older, you realize it's work. It's that fine line between love and companionship. But passionate love I'd love to know how to make that last.

- Tracey Ullman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

- Steven Wright Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird.

- Joe Rogan Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

There's a couple of enemies to improv, and one of them is editing when you edit on TV it makes it seem like it's not really improv.

- Amy Poehler Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

The character was so strong, particularly because of that distinctive voice, that nobody could picture me in any other type of role.

- Don Adams Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Maxwell is serious, dedicated, awkward, forgetful, pompous to a certain degree, sentimental.

- Don Adams Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I like getting married, but I don't like being married.

- Don Adams Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

- W. C. Fields Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

This is still a man's profession, with a lot of men who intellectually and emotionally have not accepted that the military could be women's work.

- Lawrence Korb Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.

- Dylan Moran Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

- W. C. Fields Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

If Kuwait grew carrots we wouldn't give a damn.

- Lawrence Korb Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

- George Burns Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

- W. C. Fields Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

- Mitch Hedberg Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I've got one idea I want to do for a film and you know I just enjoy myself doing bits and pieces.

- Norman Wisdom Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

- Paul Lynde Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

The whole world is out of step, apart from me.

- Mark Thomas Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

- Mitch Hedberg Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Yeah, we shot ourselves in the foot right out of the gate. The guy who ran it at first misled pretty much everybody about how much capital we had. He said we had enough to go three years without making money, and we had enough to go three weeks.

- Al Franken Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

- Jeff Foxworthy Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes