Comedian

But generally speaking, I tend to be quiet and introspective.

- Rowan Atkinson Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I am a quick study - I can memorize a script in an hour - but I can't remember a name three seconds. I've even forgotten my wife's name on occasion.

- Don Adams Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement

- Fred Allen Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.

- Josh Billings Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

- W. C. Fields Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

He looked at me as if I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.

- Ring Lardner Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

- W. C. Fields Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock this afternoon.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

- Al Yankovic Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

We became Morris and Morecambe. This partnership did not last long, however.

- Ernie Wise Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Things really began to move for us. In 1953 I could afford to marry Doreen.

- Ernie Wise Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Of course I've done musicals here in London.

- Norman Wisdom Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I've got my own future and my own life and it's positive and I feel blessed, so I'm going to do what I need to that's in my best interests.

- Debra Wilson Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

- Emo Philips Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I was the same kind of father as I was a harpist - I played by ear.

- Harpo Marx Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me back into going on stage.

- Paul Lynde Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

If Kuwait grew carrots we wouldn't give a damn.

- Lawrence Korb Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

- Mitch Hedberg Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Yeah, we shot ourselves in the foot right out of the gate. The guy who ran it at first misled pretty much everybody about how much capital we had. He said we had enough to go three years without making money, and we had enough to go three weeks.

- Al Franken Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

You look at the floor and see the floor. I look at the floor and see molecules.

- Dan Aykroyd Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I did movie star impressions as a kid in high school. Somehow they just got out of hand.

- Don Adams Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

- W. C. Fields Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Yesterday the Iraqis and U.S. troops pulled down a giant statue of Saddam Hussein. They pull it down and it lands right on top of Geraldo.

- David Letterman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

What a nice night for an evening.

- Steven Wright Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

It's the Power of the Almighty, the Splendor of Nature, and then you.

- Al Franken Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes