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Comedian Quotes

Comedian

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

- Lenny Bruce Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good I said No, I made a few mistakes.

- Steven Wright Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I was in the band as a boy and was taught music and learned to compose.

- Norman Wisdom Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

- Emo Philips Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Austin sounds a little bit like Aston Martin, which is the type of car James Bond would drive.

- Mike Myers Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

To be good, you need to believe in what you're doing.

- Billy Crystal Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

- W. C. Fields Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

- W. C. Fields Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

- Emo Philips Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

- W. C. Fields Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

- Fred Allen Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

- David Letterman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

- Dylan Moran Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

- W. C. Fields Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes