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Comedian Quotes

Comedian

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

- Joan Rivers Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I saw a stationery store move.

- Jay London Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

- Robert Benchley Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

- Jay Leno Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

- Groucho Marx Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

- Jerry Seinfeld Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

It's really live television, the way God meant it to be.

- Bruce Vilanch Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

- Henry Youngman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

- Josh Billings Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

- George Burns Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

I really think everything is fair game.

- Sarah Silverman Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes

Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.

- Josh Billings Visit FamousQuotes.com for more inspirational quotes