David Letterman Quotes

New York now leads the world’s great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn’t make a sudden move.

Tip to out-of-town visitors: If you buy something here in New York and want to have it shipped home, be suspicious if the clerk tells you they don’t need your name and address.

There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to-minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move.

The war on rats is over. Rats won.

There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.