David Sedaris Quotes

After a few months in my parents’ basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of the these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.

I’ll never understand why someone might pay me to wear a corporate logo. To me, all such shirts read “All my other clothes are dirty” or “Until which time, if ever, I develop a personality of my own, this t-shirt has offered to speak on my behalf.

I haven’t got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it’s funny how sleep comes all on its own.