Dennis Miller Quotes

I have my own God, and I think my God finds me incredibly fucking funny. That’s why I chose him as my God.

Dogs can talk, if you touch them in the right spot.

Republicans say that Democrats want a huge, monolithic federal institution that will compromise personal liberty and freedom by controlling individuals’ lives with intrusive policies and a dictatorial agenda. Republicans, of course, believe that is the job of organized religion.

We have got to get it together and understand. People say, ‘It’s not the American way to infringe on civil liberties.’ Well, it’s not the American way to roll over for punks, either.

Born again?! No, I’m not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

I think that 95 percent of what passes for art in this world is complete and utter shit. And 4 of the other 5 percent is shit with an asterisk. But oh, that 1 percent makes you proud to be a human, doesn’t it?

The average American has the attention span of a ferret on double espresso.