Spike Milligan Quotes

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in.

The young boy stood looking up the road to the future. In the distance both sides appeared to converge together. ‘That is due to perspective, when you reach there the road is as wide as it is here’ said a wise old man. The young boy set off on the road, but as he went […]

When I was small and five I found a pencil sharpener alive! He lay in lonely grass Looking for work I bought a pencil for him He ate and ate until all that was Left was a pile of wood dust. It was the happiest pencil sharpener I ever had.

Listen, someone’s screaming in agony – fortunately I speak it fluently.

I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much. (on depression)

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

A young spring-tender girl combed her joyous hair in the midnight mirror ‘You are very ugly’ said the glass But on her lips hung a smile of dove-secret loveliness for only that morning, had not the blind boy said, ‘You are beautiful’?