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george carlin Quotes

george carlin

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

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Electricity is really just organized lightning.

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Think off-center.

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The status quo sucks.

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In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.

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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

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The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

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Always do whatever's next.

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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

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If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.

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