How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?

Musicians duet better.

Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.

Opera: the graveyard of melody.

Jack Benny played Mendelssohn last night. Mendelssohn lost.

Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.

Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

The only thing to do with a folk melody, once you have played it, is to play it louder.

A folksinger is someone who sings through his nose by ear.

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.