Dorothy Parker Quotes

Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires.

Razors pain you; – Rivers are damp; – Acids stain you; – And drugs cause cramp. – Guns aren’t lawful; – Nooses give; – Gas smells awful; – You might as well live.

Drink and dance and laugh and lie, Love, the reeling midnight through, For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)

I love to drink martinis. One Drink, two at the most. With three I’m under the table, Four and I’m under the host.

You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

She looks like something that would eat its young.

That woman speaks 18 languages and can’t say “No” in any of them.

I shall stay the way I am, because I do not give a damn.