Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley) Quotes

I freed th’ slave, Hennesy, but faith, I think ’twas like turnin’ him out iv th’ pa-antry into th’ cellar. You can’t do ennythin’ more f’r him than make him free. Ye can’t, Hennessy, only when ye tell ’em they’re free, they kno-ow we’re only stringin. them.

The past always looks better than it was. It’s only pleasant because it isn’t here.

“The American nation in the Sixth Ward is a fine people,” he says, “They love th’ eagle,” he says, “on the back iv a dollar.”

Ivry gr-reat orator ought to be accompanied by an orchesthry or, at worst, a pianist who wud play trills while th’ artist was refreshin’ himsilf with a glass iv ice wather.

The newspaper does ivrything f’r us. It runs th’ polis foorce an’ th’ banks, commands th’ milishy, conthrols th’ ligislachure, baptizes th’ young, marries th’ foolish, comforts th’ afflicted, afflicts th’ comfortable, buries th’ dead an’ roasts thim aftherward.

Th’ fav’rite pastime iv civilized man is croolty to other civilized man.

The patient in th’ hands iv a doctor is like a hero in th’ hands iv a story writer. He’s goin’ to suffer a good dale, but he’s goin’ to come out all right in th’ end.

An appeal, Hinnissy, is where ye ask wan coort to show its contempt f’r another coort.

It’s more comfortable to feel that we’re a slight improvement on a monkey thin such a fallin’ off fr’m th’angels.

The duty of a newspaper is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.