Jay Leno Quotes

Yoko Ono, who is 70 years old, will get naked on stage, in Paris, as part of an art show for peace. Hey, it could be worse – she could be singing.

Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards says he’s scared to death of cell phones, that he considers them dangerous. Amazing. Cell phones are dangerous, but black tar heroin is OK.

There are over 30 doctors running for the US Congress this year. That’s going to be rather strange. Half the time these folks will be playing God and asking women to take their clothes off and the other half the time they will be doctors.

Ralph Nader says he is testing the water and hasn’t decided on whether he’ll run for president in 2004. Actually, he doesn’t really need to run because I think the Democrats feel they can lose without him this time.

Pat Robertson launched a prayer offensive calling for God to make Supreme Court judges he doesn’t like step down. He mentions one is eighty-three, one has cancer, one a heart condition. That isn’t a prayer offensive. That’s an offensive prayer.

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.

I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, […]

Most guys in Hollywood have one car and, like, 80 girlfriends. I have 80 cars and one girl, and it’s cheaper.

The reigning Miss Canada has been arrested for punching out another woman in a bar fight… Quite frankly, I think it’s refreshing to finally find one beauty pageant winner who is against world peace.