Robert Benchley Quotes

He drove a sharp needle into Labour policy one day when he met (Clement Atlee) in the men’s room. Atlee, arriving first, had stepped up to the urinal trough when Churchill strode in on the same mission, glanced at him, and stood at the trough as far away from him as possible. Atlee said, “Feeling […]

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

For most visitors to Manhattan, both foreign and domestic, New York is the Shrine of the Good Time. “I don’t see how you stand it,” they often say to the native New Yorker who has been sitting up past his bedtime for a week in an attempt to tire his guest out. “It’s all right […]

“Perfectly Scandalous” was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another.

But a dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down – very important traits in times like these. In fact, just as soon as a dog comes along who, in addition to these qualities, also knows when to buy and sell stocks, he can be moved right up […]

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Then it’s merrily, merrily, merrily, whoa! To the old gray church they come and go, Some to be married and some to be buried And Old Robin has gone for the mail.

In America there are two classes of travel – first class, and with children. Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.