Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot – but I always found them.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” He said,”I don’t know kid. There’s so many places they can hide.”

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through.”

A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over; nobody’s home.” I went over. Nobody was home.

Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times – three of those times I was reading it.

She was wild, very wild. When she made French toast, her tongue got caught in the toaster.

I have good looking kids; thank god my wife cheats on me.

I have an Egyptian cat. He leaves a pyramid in every room.