Terry Pratchett Quotes

Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking, and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.

He was vaguely aware that he drank to forget. The problem was that he could no longer remember what he was forgetting, so in the end he just drank to forget drinking.

Sooner or later we’re all someone’s dog.

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.

Susurrus, according to her grandmother’s dictionary, it meant “a low soft sound, as of whispering or muttering.” Tiffany liked the “taste” of the word. It made her think of mysterious people in long cloaks whispering important secrets behind a door: “susurruss-susurusss” She’d read the dictionary all the way through. No one told her you weren’t […]

He’d noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: It fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination – but at the end of the day they’d settle quite happily for egg and chips, if it was […]

Along with the standard computer warranty agreement which said that if the machine 1) didn’t work, 2) didn’t do what the expensive advertisement said, 3) electrocuted the immediate neighbourhood, 4) and in fact failed entirely to be inside the expensive box when you opened it, this was expressly, absolutely, implicitly and in no event the […]

There are different kinds of rules. From the simple comes the complex, and from the complex comes a different kind of simplicity. Chaos is order in a mask.

You call yourself some kind of goddess and you know nothing, madam, nothing. What don’t die can’t live. What don’t live can’t change. What don’t change can’t learn. The smallest creature that dies in the grass knows more than you. You’re right. I’m older. You’ve lived longer than me but I’m older than you. And […]

Humans, eh? Think they’re lords of creation. Not like us cats. We “know” we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven.