Tom Lehrer Quotes

Plagiarize, plagiarize, Let no man’s work evade your eyes, Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, Don’t shade your eyes, But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize. Only be sure to call it research.

Don’t write naughty words on the wall if you can’t spell!

I do have a cause though. It is obscenity. I’m for it. Unfortunately the civil liberties types who are fighting this issue have to fight it owing to the nature of the laws as a matter of freedom of speech and stifling of free expression and so on but we no what’s really involved: dirty […]

First we got the bomb and that was good, ‘Cause we love peace and motherhood. Then Russia got the bomb, but that’s O.K., ‘Cause the balance of power’s maintained that way! Who’s next? France got the bomb, but don’t you grieve, ‘Cause they’re on our side (I believe). China got the bomb, but have no […]

Don’t say that he’s hypocritical Say rather that he’s apolitical.

There are some people who don’t love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.

If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared not only to retract it, but also to deny under oath that I ever said it.

Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Get in line in that processional, Step into that small confessional. There the guy who’s got religion’ll Tell you if your sin’s original. If it is, try playin’ it safer, Drink the wine and chew the wafer, Two, four, six, eight – Time to transubstantiate! So get down upon your knees, Fiddle with your rosaries, […]

If a person feels he can’t communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.