Cancer Quotes

Cancer is probably the most unfunny thing in the world, but I’m a comedienne, and even cancer couldn’t stop me from seeing humor in what I went through.

I started out to write a book called “A Portrait of the Artist as a Housewife.” I wanted to write a collection of stories, poems, and vignettes about things like my toaster oven and my relationships with plumbers, mailmen and delivery people. But life dealt me a much more complicated story. On October 21, 1986, […]

My father died of cancer when I was a teenager. He had it before it became popular.

The three most beautiful words in the English language are not “I love you.” They are: “It is benign.”

The truth is, if you asked me to choose between winning the Tour de France and cancer, I would choose cancer. Odd as it sounds, I would rather have the title of cancer survivor than winner of the Tour, because of what it has done for me as a human being, a man, a husband, […]

Movies are fun, but they’re not a cure for cancer.

A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling “Hey, come back here with my breast!”

Life is lumpy. And a lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat and a lump in the breast are not the same lump. One should learn the difference.

I wish I had the voice of Homer To sing of rectal carcinoma. (advocating early intervention)

I do not approve of cancer, and yet I do not feel that I have no right to attack a quack who promises a false cure until I have no real cure to propose. As someone said: he who helps destroy the boll-weevil has done as constructive work as he who plants the seed.