Ambrose Bierce Quotes

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, “A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created.” “This is true,” He replied. “He will need laws,” said the Demon slyly. “What! You, […]

Christian, n.: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

Harbor, n. A place where ships taking shelter from storms are exposed to the fury of customs.

Push, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.

Quorum, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the U. S. Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House.

Recount, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

Arena, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.

Rostrum, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.

Battle, n. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.

Sorcery, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death.