After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, “A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created.” “This is true,” He replied. “He will need laws,” said the Demon slyly. “What! You, […]
Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Christian, n.: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
Harbor, n. A place where ships taking shelter from storms are exposed to the fury of customs.
Nominate, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.
Politician, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.
Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Populist, n. A fossil patriot of the early agricultural period, found in the old red soapstone underlying Kansas.
Push, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.
Quorum, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the U. S. Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House.
Recount, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.
