Andy Rooney Quotes

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.

Patriotism is only a virtue if the person who has it lives in your country.

Don’t pin much hope on the mail, and when the phone rings don’t expect anyone wonderful to be calling.

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort – the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing – the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.

Democrats leave the dishes in the drying rack in the sink overnight. Republicans put the dishes away every night Democrats love television, and watch a lot of it. Republicans hate television. They watch a lot of it, too. Democrats usually write with a pencil. Republicans use pens. Republicans have dinner between seven and eight. Democrats […]

Computers make it easy to do a lot of things, but most of the things that make it easier to do don’t need to be done.

The two biggest sellers in any book store are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.