May you never lie, steal, cheat or drink. But if you must lie, lie in each other’s arms. If you must steal, steal kisses. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink with us, your friends.

Nary a day goes by that I miss to wonder why the moon shows his face as the day draws nigh. In the firelight I ponder my canine’s thought as he gazes upon me from his hand-me-down cot. I think of God and all his creations, one being the women with her unbridled temptations. I […]

Here’s to life – ain’t it grand. Just got divorced from my old man. I laughed and laughed at the court’s decision. They gave him the kids and they ain’t even his’n!!

Here’s to the game called “Ten Toes” That’s played all over town. The lassies play with ten toes up. And the lads with ten toes down!

Here’s to Eileen O’Hara, For her life it held no terror. Born a virgin. Died a virgin. No runs, no hits, no errors.

Here’s to them that sail to sea – And the ladies that stay on land. May the former be well rigged – And the latter be well manned!

Here’s to living single and drinking double!

Here’s to the bull that roams the woods. That does the cows and heifers good. If it were not for his long long rod. There would be no beef by God!

Friends may come, friends may go, Friends may peter out, you know. But we’ll be friends through thick and thin, Peter out or peter in.

May you taste the sweetest pleasures that fortune ere bestowed, and may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed.