I am not fond of Oliver Montrose. Oliver is a person I despise; The purple veins that bulbify his nose, The crimson veins that irrigate his eyes. His weezy breath his vinous weakness shows; He is the slave of whisky, beer and gin. I am not fond of Oliver Montrose; I hate the sinner. But […]
Ogden Nash Quotes
Poets aren’t very useful Because they aren’t consumeful or produceful.
The bus to Marrakesh, Morocco, Traverses landscapes simply socko The agricultural economy Suggests the book of Deuteronomy The machine has not replaced the mammal And everything is done by camel. I hope I’ll never learn what flesh I ate that day in Marrakesh, But after struggling with a jawful I thought it tasted humpthing awful.
If you thirst to know who said, “I think, therefore I am,” your thirst I will quench; It was Rene’ Descartes, only what he actually said was, “Je pense, donc je suis,” because he was French. He also said it in Latin, “Cogito, ergo sum,” Just to show that he was a man of culture […]
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
I’m an ordinary figure in these democratic states, A pathetic demonstration of hereditary traits. As the children of the cops possess the flattest kind of feet And the daughter of a floosy has a wiggle to her seat, My position at the bottom of society I owe To the qualities my parents bequeathed me long […]
Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Middle age ends and senescence begins, The day your descendants outnumber your friends.
I have a bone to pick with Fate. Come here and tell me, girlie, Do you think my mind is maturing late, Or simply rotted early?
I’d ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross For giblet gravy and cranberry sauce, Two treats which are held in reserve by the waiter Till you’ve finished your turkey and mashed potater.