"The Simpsons" Quotes

Suppose we’ve chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we’re just making him madder and madder. (Homer Simpson)

If TV has taught me anything, it’s that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it’s going to happen to us. (Bart Simpson)

Dough, the stuff that buys me beer. Ray, the guy who brings me beer. Me, the guy who drinks the beer. Far, a long way to get beer. So, I’ll have another beer. La, I’ll have another beer. Tea, no thanks I’m having beer. That will bring us back to – (reaching the crescendo of […]

I’d rather drink a beer than win father of the year! (Homer Simpson)

I never realized how boring this game was. (Homer Simpson, watching baseball while sober)

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves. (Homer Simpson)