Name me a conservative idea that is newer than five thousand years.

There are basically two kinds of conservatives; those who don’t got it and blame liberals and minorities for it, and those who got it and only care about keeping it that way.

The only conservative art I can come up with are Wagner and the movie Red Dawn.

I suppose I can understand the selfish callous disregard of conservatives, it’s the pride in it that passes me by.

This new conservative doctrine of absolute fairness only seems to come into play when race is the issue.

What conservatives do behind closed doors is their business, but I draw the line at giving them special rights such as where they live, where they can work and being allowed to marry or adopt children.

If you doubt that it is stinky personality that is the driving force behind conservative politics, look back to your pre-political youth. A dollar to a doughnut everyone of those childhood friends and acquaintances who was an asshole then is a conservative today.

It’s really weird when conservatives enjoin us to all have a national discussion about blowjobs, but don’t want the same concerning race.

Conservatives are much like paleontologists. They dig around in prehistoric garbage heaps and anything they discover, they define as a new find.